Great news! We are adding two feet to our little family this summer!!! We were shocked, excited, shocked, excited, and shocked some more. It's not that we didn't want more kids, we have always wanted more babies... it's that we really thought we wouldn't be able to add any more to our family via natural ways. With Mr. Llama's surgery three years ago and some personal issues of mine, we kept getting negative tests and disappointment over the years.
KB will be 4 when this little one arrives. I hope she will be excited to add a baby to the family and house. She has been asking for a baby brother for over a year. I blame Phineas and Ferb's song Little Brothers. She loves that song! When we have visiting babies, KB is always excited to play with them and say hi.... hopefully this will be a good transition.
Mr. Llama and myself are still in a bit of shock.... although with the nausea comes the crashing reality of how horrible pregnancy is to my body and spirit. All the nights and days and moments of puking my guts out come crushing back.... the loneliness, the depression, the awful gagging over EVERY SINGLE THING!
I know there are women out there who say they would go through all the pains and annoyances if they could only grow a baby... I know that. I feel awful that I have such a hard time. I feel guilty for voicing any weakness I have about growing a baby. I feel like an inch tall whenever I want to scream at my lack of ability to function normal for 9 months. Thus even more depression and loneliness since I withdraw inside instead of voicing complaints.
I'm trying to keep my spirits up and know that once we hear our little baby's heartbeat, it will make it seem more real and bearable. Now we just have to find a compatible midwife.... more on that challenge later.
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